Thankful

Hello to all!
It's that time of the year that we reflect on everything we have to be thankful for.  It's so easy to get caught up with life and lose sight of what really matters!    
I am thankful for so many things - my health, my loved ones, my job (even though that's debatable at times), having so many virtual friends that I feel like I know personally, and the list goes on.
Thank YOU all for taking time out of your days for reading this little blog of mine.  
I hope you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving. :)
xoxo

Oops!

So sorry for not checking in lately..   Life has gotten in my way of blogging.. How dare!?  I really haven't been a model citizen lately.  I missed one Weight Watchers meeting (my first meeting missed), and I haven't been back since.  I do have good intentions, but when the morning comes, I am literally dragging myself out of bed.  That makes me get to work around 9 am, which means I have to stay until 5:30... which means that my meeting is already taking place by then.  I'm not making excuses for myself. I have no excuse.   But I'm also in one of those moods where I just don't care about counting points or watching what I eat. I'm not gorging by any means.  I'm just not scrutinizing every bite I am putting in my mouth.   I probably just needed a break, and I'm not going to beat myself up for it.
My launch party for my new Scentsy business was a success! I made my goal sales wise, and in my first 2 weeks, I made enough extra money to pay both the cable and the electricity bill!   And in the first 2 weeks of November, I have surpassed what I did in October, so my November electricity and cable will certainly be taken care of again! Wahoo! :)
Anyway, I just wanted to check in.  I will hopefully be out of my funky mood soon!    I'm sure a few extra days off next week will be a dramatic help! :)
Hope all is well with everyone.  I am working on catching up on blogs... just missing a day or two puts me totally behind!!

xoxo!

Thursday 13: Random Thoughts

Wow, it's been quite some time since I did a Thursday 13.   I have missed them but being sick had zapped my blogging energy (and any other energy for that matter!).
This week's edition will just be random thoughts going through my head...

1. I've had a Xanax prescription for anxiety for about 6 months and had not taken a single pill.   Last night I took one and it was the first night that I can remember where I slept through the night..   NICE!
2. I am getting excited for the next Harry Potter movie to come out. 
3. John and I may be going to Orlando again in December to attend his sister's graduation from college.  I hope it works out! I'd love to go again.
4. I have a garage sale on Saturday and I have done little to prep for it.   I can't wait for it to be over with!
5. I'm both nervous and excited for my Scentsy Launch Party this weekend!
6. I got my 10 lb star yesterday at Weight Watchers.   I lost 2.4 lbs last week, totaling 12.2 since I joined!
7. I was excited to find out that my scale and the scale at WW match perfectly! Wahoo!!
8. A nap sounds amazing right now.   I'm so tired...   I slept great last night, but the past several weeks of waking up multiple times has taken it's toll on me.
9. I've started my Christmas shopping.  I've got a long way to go, but I'm making definite progress.
10. I found out this week that I'm no longer upside down on my car.  Now to decide if I should sell it and get something that's not going to be $500 a month!  It's very painful!
11. I have been caffeine free for a week.    I'm enjoying Tazo Passion Tea and Tazo Organic Apple Red tea as my drink of choice.
12. Does anyone know of a site where I can find out how much an autograph is worth?    Back in my heavy metal days (about 20 years ago, ha!)  I met Pantera and got the group's autograph.. I know one of the musicians was murdered a few years back, and I want to sell it to someone who would appreciate the picture more since I don't care for heavy metal at all anymore.
13. This week has been never ending. I'm ready for the weekend even though it will be one of my busiest weekends in ages! 

Hope you all have a Happy Thursday and an even happier upcoming weekend!
To participate, head over to Thursday 13.

Doctor Appointment Update, Etc.

Good morning, everyone!   I had my doctor's appointment on Monday afternoon as my follow up to my upper GI.  My doctor told me that I have one month for the ulcer to heal on it's own, and if it doesn't, then surgery is my only other option.    I would likely use Dr. Davis, as my bariatric surgeon has retired, and several of the others in the hospital are not on my insurance plan.  Dr. Davis (whether the father or the son) was on the show Big Medicine.  I'm not sure which one I'll get if I have to go through with the surgery (but I have a feeling it's inevitable, given this is the 3rd time I've had a bad ulcer).    I also made note to tell the doctor that I didn't appreciate him calling my ulcer a marginal ulcer, as it certainly feels more than marginal to me.   He proceeded to tell me that marginal is the LOCATION, not the degree of the ulcer... I felt like a dork, but at least now I know! ha!


I am starting to feel better and better every day, and am eating all solid foods.  I do feel discomfort after eating most meals, but it is not intense anymore and doesn't last nearly as long, unless I overeat.   Overeating is easy, as my stomach shrunk quite a bit from my liquid diet, and I feel like I have my tiny little pouch again. Also, I think that my body is changing how it reacts to certain foods.  Some foods prior to the ulcer were super easy to eat, and now it's all changed.   I'm basically learning how to eat again!  AH!!!

On my new business note, I am having my launch party this weekend.   If you're local, I'd love for you to stop by and check out my products.   If you're not local (Houston, TX), please check out my website and see what we have to offer.   Any orders received for my Launch Party will earn an entry for a raffle prize!   My website is:
http://LaurieSawyer.scentsy.us        I'd greatly appreciate you helping me get my new business off to a quick start! :)     If you have any questions about the products, just drop me an email and I'm more than happy to help!
Happy Wednesday to you all!!!     Life is finally starting to improve, and I'm glad my mood is getting better!   Being sick for almost a month really takes it out of you!!

Excited!

Happy Monday to you all!  
I'm super excited, as I have just signed up to be a Scentsy consultant.   We sell gorgeous candle warmers and the scents to go with them.   The scents are wickless, so they are safe, and there are tons of scents to choose from!
I hope you'll check out my site - and I would LOVE for you to host an online party so you can earn some free goodies as well!  You start earning half price items and free product at only $150 in sales.   Wahoo!
Please check out my site!  Laurie's Scentsy Page   

On another note - I go back to the doctor today regarding my ulcer.   I believe we'll be discussing the options available to me and when/if I should proceed to have surgery. 
Fun stuff, I tell ya!  I will post an update tomorrow.
Have a great day! :)

Three Years

Today is my 3 year anniversary of my RNY!     Just 3 years ago at this time, I was recovering from the most dramatic surgery and most live changing event of my life.   3 years ago, I weighed 312 lbs.    I couldn't go up one flight of stairs without feeling like the wind was knocked out of me.  I couldn't cross my legs.   I couldn't fit in an airplane seat, ride on a roller coaster, fit comfortably in a booth, and patio furniture was out of the question. 
A lot has changed in 3 years.  
Thank you all for being a very important part of my journey to becoming who I am today.  It's been 3 years of self discovery that will keep continuing.

xoxo!

I'm sick and tired...

... of feeling sick and tired!
I'm still not feeling 100%.. it's now been 3 weeks since I've been able to work out, and my body is feeling it.   UGH!     I never thought I'd say that I miss working out and getting exercise, but I do.  I really miss my Zumba classes.   
I am able to hold food down now, but it's touch and go on how my body reacts to it.  Sometimes I can eat with absolutely no pain during the digestion process... Other times, I want to curl up into fetal position and just cry.    I had a bad episode this weekend, and it ruined the day for me.  Today has been pretty good so far, so I think I may count my blessings and have a very light dinner.  
Although I'm not considering it a bright note, because I know with fair certainty that I will likely gain some weight back, I am down to 154.8 lbs.    My lifetime goal with WW is 155, so if I stay down over the next two days, I'll hit lifetime.   My lowest weight ever post op/adult life, etc. is 154 point something, so it's definitely a bittersweet feeling.    My ultimate goal is 149.8 just so I can get out of the 150s for the first time in my adult or even adolescent life, but I'd rather do things the right way...  Gahh!!!
I am feeling truly disconnected with everyone.  Work has been trying to kill me, as well as my ulcer.   I marked everything as read in my google reader and am starting fresh today.   I know there is no way I can catch up on over 1000 posts.  

I miss you all very much, and hope life starts to feel normal again soon!!
xoxoxox

Update on Ulcer, Etc.

Hi all, I'm so sorry for not posting any updates in awhile... Life has been busy, and I'm still feeling cruddy!
I went to the doctor last Wednesday, and had my endoscopy done last Friday.   The little bugger is still there and it is still inflamed, so time and patience is all I've got for it to heal..  well, time at least.. I ran out of patience with this awhile back.
During my doctor's appointment, he told me that I will likely need surgery to get rid of this thing permanently.  There are three options for me: 1) To get my RNY reversed completely, going back to my old "plumbing", 2) to switch to another WLS, such as duodenal switch or gastric sleeve, or 3) to have that part of my intestine removed.      
My choice would be #3, if that is an option once it is discussed with the surgeon.   I don't want to go to duodenal switch because I think that would make me lose a lot more weight, and I am basically at goal, of not very close to it.   The gastric sleeve or reversal are other options, but #3 is my ideal choice.  It seems like the least invasive, and the best one for me.    I will know more once I get my 2 week follow up with my GI doctor.
I am definitely improving, but I still have bouts where I can not tolerate any foods, and end up throwing up or just being in major pain for 2-3 hours.  
Anyway, I will update again when I know more, and I hope to begin blogging more soon.  This is my hellacious week at work, so life has been super busy! :(

Ulcer is Back! :-(

Sorry for the lack of posting lately...   I've been feeling like poo.  My ulcer has returned for a 3rd time.   I am only on liquids for a few days while I'm taking my medicines to try to get rid of it.  Eating food is just too painful when it passes the ulcer...  Excruciating almost!

On the upside of that, I've lost 6.5 pounds.     Yes, I know once I start eating normal foods again that the number will increase, but I need to focus on something happy, right? LOL

This is a short and sweet little post.. just wanted to keep y'all updated!
I hope to start the Thursday 13s again next week! I miss doing them!

Falling Apart!

I'm highly, HIGHLY frustrated lately.   First of all, my back is killing me.  I think I injured it in Zumba... no fault to Zumba, but I went on an evening where I was feeling kind of sick (killer headache, exhausted, etc)..  I am one of those all or nothing people (working on it, but still a little overzealous) so I figured I'd force myself to go anyway.  Well, all of the jumping and bouncing and quick direction changes really messed me up.   I can't sneeze without going into back spasms! :(   

Anyway, enough of the bitching..    I am improved over yesterday, so IF I am feeling better tomorrow, I will resume workouts.   

Wednesday was my WW meeting.   I chose to use my No Weigh In pass.   My psyche can't handle anything but a decent loss this week, especially with me mourning my workouts.  I DID go to the meeting though.   And I'm glad I did.    The topic was about taking it slow...  slow and steady wins the race.    Well, I needed to hear that this week.   Just like with going to church... sometimes you just feel like the message of the day was made especially for you! :-)

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend.    I will be taking it easy... maybe. :)

Happy Hump Day!

I apologize for being a slacker in the blog department lately.   My life has been consumed with work, working out, and Weight Watchers.   I'm trying to find the balance between eating according to my surgery guidelines and keeping within my WW points.   It's quite challenging.   I am finding that I allow myself to eat a little more lax when on WW.    A Fiber One bar can be 1 point, and it's a good snack in general.  But for me post op, a few cheese squares is a better option.   I'm terrible at using things that are pre-weighed, measured, etc. because I'm a freak when it comes to making sure I have my points calculated properly.      It's all my internal neuroses rearing their ugly heads!

I need to keep the following things in mind constantly:

• Regardless of how much I lose on WW, I have been VERY successful losing weight.  I have lost 145 pounds in the past 3 years (My 3 year is coming up on October 15).   
• I need to stop being so hard on myself.  
• The weight is going to come off slow.   Very slow.   And it will go up and down from week to week.  That doesn't mean I'm a failure.  It means I'm normal.
• As long as I focus on being healthy (exercise, eating right), the weight will eventually decide it is going to come off.  Or it won't.   Either way, I am doing everything right within reason.  I am good 95% of the time.    And the 5%?  I deserve a break, damn it!

I am my own worst enemy.  I analyze EVERYTHING, and trust me, I annoy the hell out of myself..  LOL     I just need to keep it up, and focus on the positive!

Thursday 13: Things I love about Autumn

Yes, I know it's still officially summer, especially in Texas.  But Autumn and Spring are my two favorite seasons.  I look forward to this time of year from June - September!

Thirteen Things I LOVE about Autumn

1. Drastically reduced yard work!
2. Milder weather.
3. Ability to spend hours outside without risk of heatstroke.
4. Fall Festivals!
5. The holiday season approaching... I'm a sucker for everything from Halloween to Christmas to New Years!
6. My spirit rejuvenates!  The summer heat really sucks the life out of me.
7. Sweaters!   Dressing in layers! Back to my favorite wardrobe!
8. Pumpkin Spice and Gingerbread Lattes...   Mmmmmm...
9. Hockey Season!   This year I REALLY want to go to an NHL game in Dallas.   I will make it happen, and it's on my Day Zero Project list!   SCORE!
10. Extra time off of work. Wahoo!!!
11. Improved mood of others around me.    Yes, people get happier when it's not 100 degrees outside! YAY!  That in turn improves MY mood!
12. Shopping.   I LOVE SHOPPING.  And I love shopping for others even more.   Yep, it's getting to be that time of the year!  YAY!
13. Lower electricity bills.  AMEN!

If you'd like to join in the fun, just stop off at Thursday 13 and add yourself to the list!  
xoxo!

Whew... What a week!

Sorry for the lack of blogging, but my week was a week from hell at work.  I'm covering for my friend at work while she's on maternity leave, and in addition to my regular whacked out hours during month end, it made for a crazy week!  I even missed my Thursday 13 that I love doing so much!

Last week I went to the gym 5 out of 7 days and earned 33 activity points... It made a difference in my weigh in - I lost 2 pounds at Wednesdays' weigh in!  Wahoo!!      Since Wednesday, however, I have only made it to the gym once, this morning.   I know I can catch up a bit over the weekend with my workouts, but work had me exhausted during the week!     Today, I went to a different gym because I'm taking care of my friend's dogs, so I thought I'd try a gym in between our homes...   I got there at 9 and changed, and it just so happened a ZUMBA class was starting in a few minutes.  Taking a Zumba class is on my Day Zero Project list, so I got something knocked out today.  I absolutely loved it.  I am completely uncoordinated, but I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to going again next week!

Last night, I blew my points, but I am not going to sweat it.   John and I went out for pizza.... and it was delicious... and I needed to get out with my man.    We have both been so busy and it was nice for someone else to make dinner for us and we could just sit and talk!   

We don't have too much planned for the holiday weekend, and for that I'm grateful.  It'll be nice just to just hang out, work out, and be merry!  Wahoo!
I hope you all have a fantastic long weekend!

Day Zero Project: 100 Things I Like About Myself

Ugh... why did I pick this?    I really have a feeling that this will be the hardest thing on my Day Zero Project list, so I wanted to get started finished as one of my first goals.    Sad to say, listing 100 things I don't like about myself would be super easy, because I always focus on improving myself.    Anyway, I don't want to start negatively - one of the reasons I started this project to begin with was to improve myself, and my own outlook on myself. :)

Here we go.... 100 Things I Like About Myself

1. I am a hard worker.
2. I have an unconditional love for my family.
3. I have an unconditional love for my boyfriend.
4. I have an unconditional love for my friends.
5. I truly believe I am a good person.
6. I am honest.
7. I love animals.
8. I have a good sense of humor.
9. I have strong fingernails. (LOL)
10. I am determined.
11. I am eager to learn new things.
12. I like change.
13. I am naive at times (which I consider a blessing).
14. I would do anything for my family/friends.
15. I am a good driver.
16. I like a wide variety of foods and will try anything (within reason) once.
17. I love to cook.
18. I take good care of my mom.
19. Making someone else smile makes me smile.
20. I am empathetic.
21. I love to travel.
22. I am definitely family oriented.
23. I am good with computers.
24. I can change my own tire if necessary.
25. I know how to jump start a car.
26. I try to learn from every experience.
27. I realize that everything happens for a reason.
28. I love surprising people.
29. Although I get bored easily, I find entertainment easily as well.
30. I am very good at my job.
31. I like culture. 
32. I enjoy music and find it to be an important part of my life.
33. I am good at multi-tasking.
34. I love kids.
35. I can make an awesome salad.
36. I like my smile.
37. I like my eyes.
38. I have a nice neck. (That was weird to write lol)
39. I have good manners.
40. I will not let people walk over me.
41. I am intelligent.
42. I can get lost in a good book.
43. I like a wide variety of movies.
44. I am strong, and getting stronger every day.
45. My glass is usually half full.
46. I appreciate art of most forms (don't get the graffiti thing, lol)
47. I am generous.
48. I trust my gut instinct.
49. I usually FOLLOW my gut instinct (after many years of trial and error).
50. I always search for a good deal.
51. My lightbulb has finally gone off for becoming debt free.
52. I am becoming more disciplined in all aspects of life.
53. I try to live without regrets.
54. I am emotional (which has it's downfalls, but I wouldn't change it!).
55. I am a Christian.
56. I yearn to learn new things constantly.
57. I am experimental with my cooking, and it usually turns out alright!
58. I am finally starting to put myself first. I have periods where I forget to to this, but I think it's finally starting to sink in.
59. I can sleep through almost anything.
60. I am sarcastic at times.
61. I have a strange imagination.
62. I am constantly thinking (which I love, and hate! lol)
63. I am hopeful.
64. I often have more faith in people than they have in themselves.
65. I have a great family.
66. Although I rarely have extra money, all of my needs are taken care of.
67. I have lost 145 pounds! 
68. I like doing laundry.
69. I am goal oriented.
70. My personality is mixed with mature and quite immature moments.  
71. I have great teeth!
72. I like my lips.
73. I have long legs for my height.
74. I like to plan ahead, but can also be very spontaneous.
75. I've tamed my impulsiveness a lot in recent years.
76. When I have focus, there is nothing stopping me.
77. I am healthier than I ever have been.
78. I am still friends with people I have known for over 20 years.
79. I have a lot of common sense.
80. I am open minded.
81. I am becoming less timid with each passing day.
82. I have a love-love relationship with coffee.
83. I love to drive around on a chilly day with the windows down and the heater on.
84. I watch little TV, but what I do watch cracks me up usually.
85. I get along with 99.9% of people.
86. I rarely argue.  It's just not worth it.
87. I don't take myself too seriously.
88. I am very forgiving.
89. I am very random.
90. I will admit when I am wrong.
91. I have a high pain tolerance.
92. I am a great listener.
93. I like that I have friends with very different personalities, and I see the best in all of them.
94. I have not adopted a "transfer addiction" from having my surgery.   I could quit my coffee if I wanted to.  LOL
95. I am not dramatic.
96. If I don't get my way, I get over it.
97. I am happy.
98. I am very reasonable.
99. I like to learn from others, and hope others can learn a thing or two from me.
100. Although there are things I want to change in my life, I know that everything will come in time.  It's all part of a plan.

Whew! I did it!   That was freakin hard!   

Day Zero Project

Happy Monday!   I'm in the process of starting the Day Zero Project and I am having a lot of fun coming up with the goals for it.  If you are not familiar with Day Zero Project, it's where you set 101 goals for yourself to complete in 1,001 days.  I have September 1 as my start date, as I'm still in the process of selecting goals for myself.   It's a lot of fun, and I figured this would be a great "project" for me to learn more about myself and as a chronic list maker, it's great to be able to check things off for the world to see!   If anyone has any ideas for me to add to my list, please feel free to share! :-)

How was everyone's weekend? Mine was pretty good.   Friday evening, I went to the gym. Then, Saturday morning, my friend Michelle picked me up and we went to the gym and then to Weight Watchers.    Afterwards we went to Ruggles Green and I had an awesome dish - it was a quinoa pasta with black beans, plantains, chicken, and all sorts of other delish things... It's something I could totally recreate at home.   Quinoa pasta is gluten free for those of you who are trying to reduce wheat in your diet, and it tasted great.  It didn't taste anything like quinoa.  I love quinoa on it's own, but I know a lot of people don't care for it's texture.. with the pasta, there is none of that texture to worry about.     Afterwards, we went to Whole Foods and bought some of that quinoa pasta! lol    Instant gratification!    Then, we drove by her slab... that sounds funny, but she's building a house, so we went to look at the progress.  The frame is up, and pretty soon it will look like a real house!    After that - it was shaved ice time!!   I LOVE shaved ice, and there is a place by my house that has sugar free flavors... DIVINE!

Sunday - I slept in till about 8:30... then hung out with the puppies while John had to work.   I stayed in my pajamas until about 3:30 then I decided I needed to get off my lazy ass and go to the gym.  Although I called myself a lazy ass, I did get 2 loads of laundry done and the dishes done and kitchen cleaned in my pajamas! LOL

And now here we are at Monday again - It's going to be a suckfest of a week because of month end, but hallelujah for a 3 day weekend coming up!
xoxox!

Saturday!

Source

Good morning all..  I am starting to feel really strong and determined.  While lots of people may have been out drinking or eating out, I spent my Friday evening on my elliptical machine.    This morning, I'm headed to work out again, and then go to another Weight Watchers meeting.  Wahoo!

I am really excited at how I'm feeling so determined lately. I don't know what hit the switch in my head finally, but I'm glad it's there, and I'm glad that I'm not blowing it off to be lazy.  

This weekend I am going to try to plan my meals ahead so I don't have to deal with any frozen meals at lunchtime.   They're almost TOO easy, and when work is busy, that's the best scenario for me.  But, with a little planning, I can fix that! YAY!

With today's workout, I will have 18 activity points for the week. :-)   I took Thursday night off because John and I went to a wake.   But I've worked out on Tuesday/Wednesday and Friday this week so far.  

Anyway, I just wanted to check in!
Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Happy Friday!

Hello, and happy Friday to you all!
So, Wednesday I had my Watchers Meeting, and I was down 1.8 lbs! Wahoo!  So new weight is:
166.8.   
I was thrilled just having a loss at all.  I need to fully accept that I will not drop 5-10 lbs a week as I did when I was over 300 lbs.  It's going to be a long, slow process, as it's a lifestyle.     I just need to focus on doing the right things, and the weight loss will be a secondary (albeit exciting) thing.  
And while I believe the above comment is true - I will have to go back to reading that when I get neurotic! (which is 98.6% of the time!) :-)

This weekend:  I am attending another WW meeting with my friend Michelle.  We are going to work out before hand, and then go to a new-ish restaurant in the area, Ruggles Green.   I have heard great things about this place, so I'm looking forward to trying it! :)

Are any of you on My Fitness Pal?   If so, add me!  My user ID is gastricgirl. :)

Anyway, back to work for me!   I hope you all have a great weekend! :-)

Thursday 13: Goals for 2010

I can't believe that Labor Day is less than 2 weeks away. I don't know about you, but once Labor Day gets here, the rest of the year is a giant landslide and is over in the blink of an eye!  That said, here is a small list of things I want to accomplish before this year is complete!

1. Get to my goal weight (154)!   I'm not too far away, so I need to hunker down and get there!   
2. Participate in my first 5K.   And maybe my 2nd.   (I just registered for my first, so this will happen for certain! Wahoo!)
3. Reduce my debt by $500.  Yeah, it doesn't sound like much, but I want to be realistic.  Christmas is coming.  lol
4. Have a garage sale at my mom's house when the weather cools down a bit.  (this will help with #3!)
5. Work out 3x a week.  I started back at the gym last week and have been 4 times in the last 7 days... so far, so good! I just have to keep it up!
6. Read one book per month.  My reading has been slacking.. I've been reading the same book for the last 4 months... lol
7. Practice doing my own pedicures.  I have the shakiest hands and the last time I did a pedicure, it looked like a 4 year old did it.
8. Paint one room in our house.   I love color, and our walls are a dull off-white.  I'm ready to make it beautiful!  
9. Try to score tickets to see Daniel Tosh when he comes here in October.   I love him!  
10. Reduce my dependence on coffee.  It's like crack, but legal!  Well, I wouldn't know, as I've never done crack... but still! You get the idea.
11. Make time in my schedule to read/comment on blogs from home since I can't do it from work as much! GRR!!
12. Develop a love for water...  I don't drink enough!
13. Get a massage!!!!  Or two...   I need one.. badly!   But I am not allowing myself one until I lose 10 lbs.   Only 7 to go!

There ya have it for this week..... I hope you all have a Happy Thursday.. If you want to participate in Thursday 13, just click the link! :)

5K

I did it!  I registered for my first 5K.   I have a month and a day... It's a walk, but it's a start....  I am going to try to jog as well depending on how my knees hold up (arthritis if you're new to reading my blog!).      I am excited.   If I enjoy it, I will sign up for another one on 10/30.. it'll be one with costumes! FUN!

Sorry for the super short post today - I have to leave work in an hour, and it's been so busy.    I am desperately missing commenting on blogs.. I can read them through reader at work, but clicking through to the sites gives me an error on my browser saying that I'm trying to go to a social networking site.. AHHH!!!  

Perfection is Not Possible!

When it comes to a lot of things I do, I am definitely a perfectionist.   I am either 100% in or I don't want to have anything to do with it.   That statement alone is probably what got me to be super-morbidly obese at 312 lbs...  If I fell off the diet wagon once, I wouldn't pick myself up and dust off and start over.. I would just say "Screw It!" and go out to dinner with friends.   Not Good... Not at all...  
So, with that said, when I weighed in at WW last Wednesday, a gain registered.  A 1.6 lb gain.  Which almost erased any progress that I had made during the previous two weigh ins.  I immediately flipped out (internally) and sat and let it sink in a bit... and then I fought back the tears.   I sent a text to a few of the people that I report to, and confessed my weigh in.   I thought about the past week.   I had my stepdaughter over that weekend, and we had Olive Garden...  my meal was 24 points (which is 2 more than I am allowed in a day).  I didn't eat it all at once, but I ate it over 3 meals.   In each of those 3 meals, I had a breadstick (3 points).  John grilled chicken for us Saturday night, and I had chicken with sweet potato fries and Velveeta Shells and Cheese.  I didn't eat a lot of either, but I'm sure it was more than I should have had.   Friday night, I had Dippin Dots.  Then, Wednesday (my weigh in day), I had a cupcake for my bosses birthday.   So, why was I shocked and hurt that I had a 1.6 lb gain?   I didn't go over my weekly allowance, but what I did consume was highly processed, sodium loaded, and not good for me.   The more I thought about it, I was kind of glad I had a gain. If not, I may have taken that loss as an invitation to eat like that again.   Don't give a former fat girl an invitation to eat whatever she wants.. it's just not a good option!
Fast forward to after my weigh in - I have been to the gym 3 times.  I have earned 18 activity points (and am not using them towards extra food) and I have used some of the points in my weekly allowance, but I still have 21 left, and I weigh in again in 48 hours.   I am not planning to use them!  For my own sanity, I need a loss this week, even if it is minor.     At each meeting, I set a goal in mind for that week. Usually the leader gives us a goal too (this week - having a filling food at each meal... check!), but I like to make my own as well.  This week was to earn 12 activity points.  I did it, wahoo!  I am also trying to not rely on those processed Weight Watchers meals and instead opt for fresh foods that are not loaded with preservatives.
 
I think the hardest part of all of this is learning to forgive myself for mistakes and not dwelling on them.   It's so easy to see the negative in yourself, but the positive is much more rewarding!