Health Update

On the plus side, I'm 151.4! LOL

I met with Dr. A (yes, that's the one, Kim H!), and he had me describe my pain. That coupled with the fact that I feel a lot better today after taking a single dose of Prevacid almost completely confirmed to him that it is indeed an ulcer. He does want to make certain, as well as to find out how big, and where it is located, so I have an endoscopy scheduled for Tuesday morning. I was already taking Weds-Friday off of work because my cousin will be in town, so now I have to take another day off... wow, all this vacation time just wittling away! LOL That's ok though, health first!

I left work early yesterday at noon b/c I was hurting so bad, and now it is today at 8:30 almost and I'm making up my hours and trying to get a ton of stuff done so I'm not causing my ulcer to grow gargantuan out of stress!

Anyways, just wanted to throw a quick update out there. I'll update again Tuesday after I get out of my post anesthesia loopiness fest!

Hugs to all!

Piece of Me - Britney Spears

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, mp3 player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME/BAND NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Technique - Linkin Park

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Walk on the Ocean - Toad the Wet Sprocket

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Window in the Skies - U2

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Falling - Roy Orbison

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Man on the Moon - R.E.M.

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Dirt - Alice in Chains

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Forever Young - Interpol

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Burning Down the House - Talking Heads (hahaha)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Sometimes - Erasure

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Throw Me Away - Korn

YOUR MAKING LOVE SONG:
Feels So Good (Show Me Your Love) - Lina Santiago

BREAK UP TO MAKE UP SONG:
Wave of Mutilation - The Pixies (haha)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Video Killed the Radio Star - The Buggles

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
A Bad Dream - Keane (Geezz)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Champaigne Supernova - Oasis

YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE:
I'm Impressed - They Might Be Giants

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Telling Them - Social Distortion

YOUR DANCE ON THE TABLE SONG:
Love Song - Sara Bareilles

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Build Me Up Buttercup - NOFX

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Bring Me to Life - Evanescence

WHAT BEST SUITS YOUR PERSONALITY?
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Nikki French

YOUR FEEL GOOD SONG:
Promiscuous Girl - Nelly Furtado (LOL)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
1234 - Feist (nope, not into math lol)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Sexy Love - Neyo (um, no)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Fade into You - Mazzy Star

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
6 Underground - Sneaker Pimps

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
You Spin Me Round - Dead Or Alive

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Piece of Me - Britney Spears

TUESDAY!

I'm glad that I have Friday off this week.. it's been a helluva week already, and it's only Tuesday.

Yesterday, I left work at noon because I'm still having bad stomach pains. I saw Dr. W yesterday, and he seems to think it's an ulcer as well. He referred me to a gastroenterologist that I'll be seeing today at 2:15. I'm guessing that I'll have to have a scope done to confirm or rule out an ulcer, and we'll go from there. I'm actually not feeling too terrible today. I've been eating graham crackers and saltines.. and having lunch meat/tuna/cottage cheese for my protein. I'm just trying to stick to things that don't make me feel like crap. I did a liquid diet for a day last week, and that day I felt fine, but the next day I felt like poo again.. SIGH

Poor John even got to see me cry for the first time this weekend.. I'm just so sick of feeling bad. I wasn't even feeling terrible at that moment, but it's just a lot of discomfort and it got the better of me.

Anyways, that's about it for now. I'll post another update soon when I know more.

Feeling like Poo!

Well, I think I may possibly have an ulcer or something going on with my gut again. I had some sharp, shooting gas-like pains last night that lasted for HOURS, and one night last week. It obviously isn't a gallbladder attack, since I no longer have a gallbladder. It's quite unlikely that it's an intestinal hernia, since I just had that repaired in February, and it's not the normal type of hernia that recurs normally. So, what's that leave? An ulcer, or really bad gas pains. So, I'm treating both. I have some carafate from my hospital stint in feb, so I'm taking that, and I'm also taking gas x. If I have another bad attack in the next week or so, I'll call my doctor.

Beyond that, my world seems to be changing quite rapidly. John put an offer in on a house over the weekend. They countered, he countered back, and they accepted. So now goes the inspection, the financial stuff, and the preliminary closing date is July 23, a month from today! WOW! I have a lot of stuff to do before then.. lol

At home, the A/C was out last night.. they came to repair it today, and a new one is needed. They did a quick fix with a new part, but he couldn't guarantee how long it would last.. SIGH!! I wish I could help my mom out more financially, but I surely can't afford $5-6K! EEK!

Anyways, I have a lot going on at work too.. just wanted to put in a post as I know it's been awhile!
Hugs to all!

100 Things About Me

I saw this on one of my favorite blogger's sites, and I figured since I don't have a whole lot to say, this would help! It's simply 100 things about me. The more I think about it, if I don't have a lot to say, why in the heck am I doing a post that has ONE HUNDRED things about me? I'm into the self torture thing, I suppose! LOL

Anyway, here goes...



1) I am very happily divorced.

2) My favorite colors are red, black, grey and pink. I'm kind of digging orange a lot right now too.

3) Now that I am no longer super morbidly obese, my obsession with shoes and purses has gone down the totem pole a little bit.. maybe because I can actually find cute clothes?

4) I am a recovering shopaholic.

5) My boyfriend is one of the most fiscally responsible people I know. And he still likes me! lol

6) I recently confessed to my mom that I used to sneak out of the house all the time as a teenager. It felt good. lol

7) I am truly blessed to have such wonderful friends, both local and through the blogosphere. Is that a word?

8) For the first time in my life, I really like where my life is heading.

9) I want to go back to school. Not for an accounting degree, but to become a personal trainer, dietitian, or gym teacher. I want my profession to keep me accountable with my life.

10) I LOVE music. I love Indie Rock, Pop, Alternative, etc... I go through phases where I like very off the wall things. I cannot work if I don't have music in the background.

11) I've never seen Titanic, nor do I have any desire to. I know what happens. Why waste my time? LOL

12) I have been extremely frustrated with my job for about 6 months now.

13) I get a massage once a month, and it is one of my vices.

14) I'm debating whether I should dump my blackberry and have a normal phone so I can save $30 a month. It's sad that I want to keep it b/c I can get Facebook on my phone. lol

15) I am 5'6". Yeah, I'm reaching here, and I'm only on #15!

16) I have a lead foot. I hate driving slow.

17) If I could go anywhere in the world, I would pick Greece. I would love to see all of the ancient ruins/architecture. I would be awestruck, I know!

18) I'm very tempted to rename this 20 things about me..

19) I am a pen klepto. If I use a pen to sign a receipt, I often walk off with the pen, not even realizing.

20) I'm smaller now than I was at any point in high school, maybe even middle school.

21) At one point, I owned over 60 pairs of jeans, in a range of sizes from 20-32. I couldn't get rid of anything b/c I wanted to get back in the smaller sizes, and I didn't have enough faith in myself to get rid of the bigger sizes if I shrunk out of them.

22) I hate yardwork.

23) I still have a relationship with my ex-husband's daughter who is 12 now. I adore her.

24) I really like my ex-husband's first ex wife. We understand each other. lol

25) I wish there was a Trader Joe's in Texas. I've heard so many good things about that store!

26) I love Target. It's one of my favorite stores.

27) I am in the process of collecting Continental One Pass miles. I don't ever want to have to pay for travel again. lol

28) I read the Twilight series over the course of a week. I loved it!

29) I read the Harry Potter series over the course of 5 months. I also loved it! I've also seen all of the movies that have been released so far.

30) My favorite types of movies are cheesy comedies. I love the 80's brat pack movies, The Wedding Singer, etc. I love to keep it light hearted.

31) I have been at the same job for almost 7 years. That's a long time!!

32) I worked for the Houston Rockets NBA team for almost 3 years. I had a good time working there, and sometimes still miss it.
33) I love ice hockey. I have season tickets to the Houston Aeros AHL team.

34) I am not athletically inclined at all. I once got a concussion from a basketball hitting my head.

35) I have a chihuahua named Roxcee. She was my gift to myself when I was going through my divorce. My ex husband was allergic to animals.

36) I was born in upstate New York. Most of my family still lives up there.

37) I've reunited with many of my cousins, aunts and uncles through Facebook. I <3>

38) I love Shark Week!

39) I have one sister and three half brothers. My sister lives 4.5 hours away, so I rarely get to see her. One of my brothers lives in Houston, one in Virginia, and one in New York, and it's been ages since I've seen any of them.

40) I love home improvement shows. I wish Andrew Dan-Jumbo would remodel my mom's house for her!

41) My favorite food is fondue. A close runner up would be hibachi style food.. Yum!

42) I think it would be really fun to be a house flipper, but this is the wrong economy to think about that!

43) I can't wait for July.. I have a mini-vacation planned when my cousin comes down to visit! :)

44) I'm having a lot of fun house hunting with my boyfriend.

45) I like playing World of Warcraft. My friend tried to get me to play it for over a year and I finally caved. I'm not very good at it though.

46) I'm over 6 months late for my annual ladies check up.. I finally made an appointment today! lol

47) People tell me I look like Renee Zellwegger. I do not see it. Except for the small eyes.. lol

48) I have realized that I'm very similar to my mom, and I don't mind one bit!

49) My dad, on the other hand, is not involved in my life one bit, and I think I bare no resemblance to him personality-wise.

50) I hope to have children one day.. just one or two.

51) I check my email way too often.

52) I have too many email addresses.

53) My wallet got stolen in Nov 2008, and I found the wallet at TJ Maxx a few months later, and I was so excited. I was more sad about losing the cutest wallet I ever had vs. losing its contents. lol

54) I have seen more movies in the last 6 months than I have in the last 6 years.

55) I have ADD in a major way. I kind of like it.. it makes me quirky and I can't imagine how I'd be if I were medicated.

56) I drink about 1-2 Diet Cokes a week.. With lots of ice... and now I want one right now!

57) Beef is my favorite meat. I could eat it every meal.

58) I don't care for chicken. I think it's from all of my years of dieting. I am chickened out. I like dark meat chicken b/c it's more moist, but it's still far from my favorite.

59) I love cooking, especially for groups of people.

60) I can't wait to help decorate when John buys his house.

61) I wish I had a steady hand so I could do my own manicures and pedicures. But I don't.

62) I have no artistic talent whatsoever.

63) My favorite subject in school was psychology. In high school, geography/history.

64) I have an associate's degree, and would love to get my bachelor's degree.

65) I probably own over 300 books, and have only read about 100. (not counting cookbooks)

66) I probably own over 100 cookbooks, and maybe have used about 20-30 recipes total.

67) I miss beer. I can handle diet coke with lots of ice now and again, but can't handle the carbonation of beer. I loved Shiner Bock and Samuel Adams.

68) I play DJ at work a lot and blast my little iPod... sometimes embarassing myself with my music collection.

69) I used to love horror movies, but now they freak me out.

70) Smurfs and Oompa Loompas scare me.

71) I cannot tell a joke to save my life. I ruin the punchline, or if it's really funny, I laugh so hard as I try to tell it that I can't even get it out!

72) Next time I buy a computer, it will probably be a Mac.

73) I am ready for the weather to cool down again so I can ride my bike more often and not feel like I'm dying.

74) I don't really share my blog with a lot of people I know, just those I am really close to, and those who have found me through similar life experiences.

75) I have a fear of falling.. This effects me when I ride a bike, skate, etc. I'm barely able to walk on two feet without tripping! lol

76) I'm highly neurotic.

77) I think too much, too often, and think far too into the most basic things.. Wait, is this repeating #76?

78) I love bargain shopping. It's fun, and it's great knowing you got a good deal!

79) My favorite TV show is Big Brother. I love it. I also love So You Think You Can Dance and the Office. Other than that, I don't watch a lot of television.

80) I like Britney Spears. I feel bad for her with all the problems she's had in the past.

81) I like Conan O'Brian over Jay Leno or David Letterman. The guy is really funny!

82) I'm a sucker for Broadway Shows. I've seen Phantom of the Opera, Spring Awakening, Grease, Spamalot and Avenue Q. I'd love unlimited funds to just hang out in NYC and go to every show out there!

83) If I was wealthy, I would probably still work. Granted, it would be something I love, but I'd have to do something.

84) I used to be a mentor at an inner city elementary school. It was very rewarding and very frustrating at the same time.

85) I love snorkeling, but the idea of scuba diving scares the bejeezus out of me!

86) Swimming is different not being morbidly obese. I'm not nearly as buoyant, and now I see that treading water truly IS exercise... before, it was a piece of cake!

87) My favorite feature is my smile.

88) My least favorite features are too numerous to list.

89) I would love to be a patient on Dr. 90210. They'd have fun with me!

90) I have a very soft spot in my heart for puppies.

91) I'm starting to like cats as well. John has 2 cats and I adore them.

92) I can't dance. Not even a little.

93) I almost always have a pair of sunglasses on my head.

94) I can never find my sunglasses.

95) I have no dressy clothes anymore. My wardrobe consists of jeans, khakis, and casual tops.

96) My feet have shrunk since surgery. I used to be a size 8.5 with all shoes being stretched out. I now wear a size 8, and they're not stretched. YAY!

97) I wear very little makeup. Eyeliner, Mascara, and powder.. that's it

98) My face is almost always pink. I blush easily, and it is in my genes... I always look embarassed.

99) When I'm angry, I cry. It makes me feel weak, which makes me more angry, and makes me cry more.

100) I'm a sympathy cryer too. If someone around me is crying, I almost always start crying too.

There you have it... It was tough for awhile there, but I did it!!! Hope you're all still awake! LOL

Self Sabotage... WHY?! WTF?!

I had a lovely conversation with one of my dearest friends in the world last night, Jil. We discussed lots of things, but the thing that stuck with me is that we as C&P girls are insanely talented at sabotaging ourselves from having complete success. Why do we do this? I have been stuck in the 150s since February, and I could have EASILY lost my last 10 pounds if I didn't do the things I do.
What do I do, you ask? I eat. Things I shouldn't. Granted, I don't eat like Pre C&P Laurie, but damn, I don't eat like I should. It's work. I think about food CONSTANTLY at work. I snack constantly. Yesterday snacks consisted of hearts of palm with a few sprays of Ceasar dressing, some sour patch kids, Cheerios snack mix, etc. Yeah, hearts of palm are a great snack at only 20 calories for a whole freakin jar. But SOUR PATCH KIDS? Um.. no! There is NOTHING healthy about these.. sure, they're fat free, but honestly, I think fat is better than sugar in our case. I've also taken a newfound liking to frappuccino lights at Starbucks. I don't give a flip if they're light.. they're still laden with sugar and there are a million other things that would be a healthier solution. I'm trying to quit the Starbucks.. I really think they put something in there to make you addicted, why else would we pay $3 for a drink? It's freakin ridiculous.

Some theories on why we do what we do... thank you so much to Jil for helping provide these theories!

• if we don't completely succeed (ie. reach our ultimate goal), we can justify not being happy with ourselves, or have the "what now" syndrome. If we are not at goal, we still have something to blame besides ourselves.
• what if things are still not what we thought they would be. Our fat was a crutch.. still is actually. What if we do not find our happiness that we didn't have b/c we were fat once we aren't fat anymore?
• If we reach goal, we have to figure out how to DEAL with issues, vs. just silencing ourselves with our former best friend, food.

This crap needs to stop. I have lost close to 160 pounds. I can lose another 10. I have a pouch, not a football sized stomach like I used to. Sure, it may have stretched a bit, but it is still nowhere near what it used to be. I need to stop finding comfort in my old things, and learn to deal with life. I have so many wonderful things happening in my life, and although work is driving me mad lately, I can't let my thoughts win. I'm better than that.. we all are!!

Weekend Update.... New Attitude!

Wow, what a crazy weekend!
Friday night, we went over to my friend Michelle's house and had dinner and watched a movie.. well, everyone but me watched a movie. I fell asleep! LOL I woke up after about 45 minutes and stood up to go to the restroom, and I almost blacked out. I got dizzy and my world turned black.. but within a minute I was fine again! Not sure if I overheated since someone covered me up with a blanket and I was hot.. or my blood sugar may have bottomed out.. or who knows what else!! It's crazy though!!
Saturday, we went over to Jil's and swam and had a lovely time. I only got a little bit of sun on my shoulders.. the rest of me is just so pale and pasty that I reflected the sunshine! LOL
John is house hunting right now, so after we left Jil's, we went to a place called the Great Indoors (very cool store, but absolutely unaffordable!), and then we went to Lowe's so he could price appliances that he'll need.
Sunday, we went to go look at a few houses.. One was a definite no, one was a possibility, and the last one there is definitely some interest there, so we'll see what happens! Also, John asked me if I'd move in with him when he moves! YAY! LOL I am really excited about that. He's such a wonderful person, and I'm truly lucky that I met him.
So.... in just a few months time, I will be living with John. And in just a few months time, I have a LOT to do. I have a lot of stuff I want to go through and get rid of.. it's overwhelming but exciting at the same time. It's amazing how in the blink of an eye, everything in your life changes instantly!
As far as my funk goes... I can tell I'm coming out of it. I ate better this weekend... got lots of walking in. I can't wait to go back to the gym though, and make it part of my routine again!
Now I need to work on catching up with my blog friends! :) Miss you all!!!!
xoxo

Bitchfest!!

Thanks to you all for the encouraging words.. I appreciate it all!!

I really am sick of being a bitchy, grumpy mess! This weekend, I'm going to focus on regaining control of things. I'm going to step back into the gym, try to forge a loving relationship with water, and just try to relax and de-stress. I will yank my friend's copy of Don't Sweat the Small Things and see if I can get some words of wisdom from there as well. Ha!

Kim J, YES, when you get back from England, we're going to have to kick each other's rears into shape.
Kim H, while the 30 day challenge sounds amazing, I am not going to do it. I think instead my focus should be 3 - 5 gym days a week, and walking the rest. I know I'm way too hard on myself and will just set myself up for failure. Once I'm back on track, I'll be gung ho to go! lol

I've been thinking a lot lately (well, my brain never stops grinding) about life in general. I just feel kind of lost right now. My work consumes me (not by choice), and I am just overloaded. When I leave here, I'm just so drained and rarely do too much after work the past few weeks. I think my EBV (chronic fatigue) is super active right now too, b/c I have absolutely ZERO energy. A vacation sounds divine... my cousin is flying down from New York in a few weeks, so I'll have 3 days off of work, but before that is my deadline so I'll probably be exhausted the whole time he's here! ugh!

Well, I hope you ALL have a lovely, wonderful weekend. I hope to be back in better spirits come Monday. :-)

Uninspired

Today, my little group at work gets to go to the Astros game at 1:05 as a Thank You for a job well done. It was a very nice surprise, and I'm excited to get out of the office and go to a game! I haven't been to a game this season, so it'll be a treat! Hopefully I'll be a good luck charm for them, b/c lately they need all the luck they can get! lol

Besides that, life as I know it has been the same old, same old. I've been uninspired lately. I don't know what to blog about, and feel like I'm just very uninteresting right now. The only time I have anything to say, it's just a weekend update. Blah! LOL I have not been a very good patient the past few months with all of the stress of work and trying to get things paid off. I eat like crap, drink diet cokes 1-2 times a week, and have a carb fest daily. I really need to kick my bad habits and get back to basics, but OMG it's hard! I only have 10 pounds to go, but for some reason my psyche is not cooperating with me and the devil on my shoulder wins most of my battles. I don't know if it's hormonal, the extra carbs wreaking havoc, or what, but I'm also super emotional lately as well. WTF!?

I know what I need to do to fix my food/carb issues, but it is certainly overwhelming, and it's a lot easier to say screw it than to deal with things and move on. I just need a vacation.. from food, from everything! LOL I eat when I'm at work stressed.. at home and on weekends, I eat only when really hungry, and don't even think about food like I do constantly at work.. UGH!

Ok, the babbling better stop since I have got to get back to work.. if you have any words of wisdom for me, I'm all ears!!

SWAMPED!!!

Hello there, ladies and gentlemen... Sorry my blogs have been sporadic at best, and my blog reading is even worse. I have read a couple but haven't had time to leave comments like I love to do.. SIGH! My deadline at work is this Friday, so after that, things will hopefully be better for a few weeks. I'm still training, trying to get my job done, and just dealing with a general overload of work.

I haven't had time to exercise. Kim H, I am going to do the challenge, but I'm going to have to start it on Monday, as I will likely have 10-12 hour days all week, and I don't want to set myself up for failure! Good luck this week, and I'll be joining you next week!

I also might as well be taking caffeine intraveinously. I have been getting venti skinny drinks at Starbucks the past two mornings, and sadly, I only feel halfway awake still. I think a detox is in order once I make it through this week - but until then, I will have my venti and I will smile about it!! LOL

I am not weighing myself this week either. I have always retained water, and especially since I am on a coffee diet and am at my desk about 50-55 hours this week.... again, I don't want to set myself up for failure. I weighed in on Sunday at 158, and as long as I'm back there by this Sunday, all is good! LOL

I've just been living for the weekends lately, and when the weekend is here, I'm nowhere near a computer! I WILL catch up on everyone's lives soon, and get ready to be bombarded with comments when I do! :)

Miss you all!!!

xoxo