Perfection is Not Possible!

When it comes to a lot of things I do, I am definitely a perfectionist.   I am either 100% in or I don't want to have anything to do with it.   That statement alone is probably what got me to be super-morbidly obese at 312 lbs...  If I fell off the diet wagon once, I wouldn't pick myself up and dust off and start over.. I would just say "Screw It!" and go out to dinner with friends.   Not Good... Not at all...  
So, with that said, when I weighed in at WW last Wednesday, a gain registered.  A 1.6 lb gain.  Which almost erased any progress that I had made during the previous two weigh ins.  I immediately flipped out (internally) and sat and let it sink in a bit... and then I fought back the tears.   I sent a text to a few of the people that I report to, and confessed my weigh in.   I thought about the past week.   I had my stepdaughter over that weekend, and we had Olive Garden...  my meal was 24 points (which is 2 more than I am allowed in a day).  I didn't eat it all at once, but I ate it over 3 meals.   In each of those 3 meals, I had a breadstick (3 points).  John grilled chicken for us Saturday night, and I had chicken with sweet potato fries and Velveeta Shells and Cheese.  I didn't eat a lot of either, but I'm sure it was more than I should have had.   Friday night, I had Dippin Dots.  Then, Wednesday (my weigh in day), I had a cupcake for my bosses birthday.   So, why was I shocked and hurt that I had a 1.6 lb gain?   I didn't go over my weekly allowance, but what I did consume was highly processed, sodium loaded, and not good for me.   The more I thought about it, I was kind of glad I had a gain. If not, I may have taken that loss as an invitation to eat like that again.   Don't give a former fat girl an invitation to eat whatever she wants.. it's just not a good option!
Fast forward to after my weigh in - I have been to the gym 3 times.  I have earned 18 activity points (and am not using them towards extra food) and I have used some of the points in my weekly allowance, but I still have 21 left, and I weigh in again in 48 hours.   I am not planning to use them!  For my own sanity, I need a loss this week, even if it is minor.     At each meeting, I set a goal in mind for that week. Usually the leader gives us a goal too (this week - having a filling food at each meal... check!), but I like to make my own as well.  This week was to earn 12 activity points.  I did it, wahoo!  I am also trying to not rely on those processed Weight Watchers meals and instead opt for fresh foods that are not loaded with preservatives.
 
I think the hardest part of all of this is learning to forgive myself for mistakes and not dwelling on them.   It's so easy to see the negative in yourself, but the positive is much more rewarding!